You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
