arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize