He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
