Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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