It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
