Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
