I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
