I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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