i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
