we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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