i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
