What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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