That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
