You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
