hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
