my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
