Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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