after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize