He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
