I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
