sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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