ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
