I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
