UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
