omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
