waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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