God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
