If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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