Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
