I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
