She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
