I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
