We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
