This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
