Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
