put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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