The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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