as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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