Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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