May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
