I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
