You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize