No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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