youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
