wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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