I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
