Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
