I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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