Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
