Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
