Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
