Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
