Pappa wants mamma naked
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
