Don't you send me to vm
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
