I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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