i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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