He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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