YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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