You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize