She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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