Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it hurts more in the daytime
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
