We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
