Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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