Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
