I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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