i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize