we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
