It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
