My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
