You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
